I work with women all across the country. Women who are seeking a meaningful career and life that they truly love. Women with big goals and dreams, women who are highly ambitious and highly qualified to achieve whatever it is that they want.
But so many of them aren’t.
I’ve observed two awful habits us women have that cause us to self-sabotage and prevents us from getting what we want. Oh, and of course...what to do instead.
1 - Women Have Limiting Beliefs and Make Assumptions
We all have them. Limiting beliefs or assumptions about ourselves, the world, other people. Beliefs that we tell ourselves and that we actually believe to be true.
These can be generalizations like, I don’t have enough time or money or connections to succeed at this or that. I can’t do it. I don’t know how to do it. It’s going to be too difficult.
Have you ever told yourself that you didn’t have enough time? I used to say this often, until I read a quote somewhere that said, “You have the same 24 hours in a day as Beyonce”. That changed my perspective a bit.
Limiting beliefs can be anything that we currently believe to be true, that prevents us from getting what we want.
What about assumptions? How many times have you held back from going after something because you assumed you couldn’t, or you assumed that someone else was already doing what you wanted to do. Maybe you’re guilty of not asking for a raise, because you assumed you haven’t been at the company long enough or that you weren’t deserving.
Everytime you recognize that you are either telling yourself a limiting belief or you are making an assumption, try asking yourself this question, “How true is that really?”. It’s a simple way to check yourself and test whether or not you are self-sabotaging.
How true is it really that you don’t have enough time? Yes I get it we’re all busy, but how much TV are you watching? How early are you waking up? Are you being as efficient as you can be? Often when you ask yourself this simple question, how true is that really, you’ll realize that you may be falling victim to a limiting belief or telling yourself a story that’s just not true. Or you may be making an assumption that’s stopping you from going for what you really want..
2 - We Are Living In A World Full Of Rules
Rules we created for ourselves!
This was something that used to plague me and it’s a major problem for so many other women too.
Have you ever said something like, I can have that piece of cake if I work out an extra 30 minutes today. Or, I can go to yoga class after I clean the house. Or, I can’t call or text him first.
Maybe you’ve created rules that limit you at work. Like, I can’t be the first to speak in a meeting. I have to get in early for people to think I’m committed. Or, I can’t go for that promotion until I’ve been here at least a year.
The problem with creating all these “rules” for how we live our lives is that we limit what's actually possible and we stop ourselves from going after things, or enjoying things that may be outside of the rules.
In reality, most of the time these rules are only in our heads! In other words, if you break a rule the only person you stand to disappoint is yourself! Basically what I am saying is that no one cares about your rules, but you.
Next time you hear yourself living by a silly rule stop and ask the question, “What would happen if I didn’t follow this rule?”.
I am willing to bet that 99% of the time it wouldn’t matter one bit.
It’s not easy to get what you want (hmmm, that sounds like a limiting belief doesn’t it :)) but with a little self-awareness and attention to our thoughts we can up the odds significantly in our favor.
Living a life that you love, doing work that matters and making an incredible income is your right. Stop stopping yourself and go for it!
Bio - Erica G. Craig is a career coach who helps incredible women create extraordinary lives. The foundation of her work is built on the belief that, when women do work that they love, they change themselves, their families and the world! Erica is a born and raised Jersey Girl, wife, mother of 3, and lover of all things outdoors. For more information visit her website, ericagcraig.com
You can find me on all social media as @ericagcraig :)